wake up, you've got to continue...

after all the shit you had that day, you have to close your eyes knowing that tomorrow you must open them. yes, you must, because there are no more options.

tomorrow is it gonna be sunny or rainy? tomorrow what are you gonna do when you wake up? which is gonna be the first song you are gonna listen to? who is gonna be the first person you are gonna talk with? and with the whole small experience i could have, trust me, this last one can be very surprising.

anyway, after the first joint, the first glass of juice, the first song or the first stupid thing you can do, you are gonna realize you are, at that moment, living and you dont know for sure where are you gonna sleep that night or who you are gonna meet or which kind of drug you are gonna take.

well thats kind of the feeling i have. its like the very near future knocking on my door and asking me if he can come in and smoke a joint with me. of course im not gonna just stay on my bed. i have to open him the door. i have to smoke with him. i have to share the same water with him. yes its part of me. yes it doesnt make me feel sure of myself. not on myself, i mean im now ready to know that im a taugh guy, im not gonna go back never again, im always gonna stand up buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, this shit... is something its hard to deal with.

...

sometimes they are really strange. you can find them in every type. it can get so hard the class of cultures. it can be so traumatic. for who? for everybody im sure. even if you dont want, even if you dont try, its there!

Lets not get confused with perserverance for example. it can be good sometimes but in the others is just when your dad tells you: No! i wont give you money this time! and you feel like "ok im not gonna ask you again, calm down..."

its like that. you cant change it, what you can do is to open your eyes again and again and try to do the more new things you can. to get the more exeperience you can get that day, because tomorrow is gonna be a more difficult day im sure.

and this is a very important advice i can give you. when someone asks you a question like: do you want to fuck? do you want to have anal sex? do you want to go out with me tonight? please im sure every stupid that has asked a question like that is gonna thank you a lot!: BE HONEST !!!!!!!!!! just that, no i dont want to fuck, no, i dont want to go out with you tonight, no i dont want sex i really want to sleep, no, i wont meet your parents. have you got it ?? im sick of these: no, im gonna call you back if i can, no, im not sure what im gonna do this weekend, no im not sure im ready for a relation, i need more time alone, when they are just thinking noooo im just thinking of the guy that never has time for me, the one that is fucking 1000 girls when she doesnt notice it, or just the worst or the perfect one you can ever imagine. it has happened to you right?

or when they just tell you something because they think you expect them to tell you. hey im sorry you were right. hey you are a very good guy. hey you are so deep. Hey! im not asking you any favour. im not asking you for sweet words. im not asking you to tell me that im doing good things. that is for cristians but, honesty, is something that cristians cant be proud of, right? it must be the same on girls, but since my personal and friends experience, this is what i could get.

and of course modesty, is it really hard to shut the mouth up? i know it was so fast to learn how to speak, but since the very first years of our lives they told us: "shut up". you have to remember it even if you are the queen of the UK, even if you are french, even if you move to London.

the stupidness thing of this period was to get late to my very important exam. of course i was the last one. fo course i got also late for the other exams of the week.

Peru vs. Chile promises a lot. lets hope to see our country, even if we dont believe in, to see them in a world cup at least once in our lives. do we have hopes? its important to say and believe that there are few, but there are there! if you can apply them to peru then you can apply to the chances you have to have sex or marry the girl you have washed the dishes for and was angry whenever you get drunk. thats it, theres no impossibles not even for peru to get to world cup!

its crazy to think about how fast the time has passed. it's remembered when you realized the things you can have done and that could have changed you live. the first joint i had, the first beer, the first kiss, the first sex, the first "something special you can think of". yes future you can come in im ready to have some drinks with you. seat next to me, wishpear in my ear, write it in the computer or just tell it like a good story. im ready for you to give me some advices, some chanllenges some stupid ideas to go for, some time and life. i will ask just one thing before it, let me take some beers and green, i really need to be ready to do it. its not that im a coward, is not that i cant do it with them, its just i need time for ME to be ready for.