"Take on me, Aha."
It's being so fucking different. It's being difficult actually, but as I said in the last post, I know that the condemnation is to wake up everyday. So, to sum up, even if I get drunk, high or have sex, yes, tomorrow I must wake up. What am I learning about this? I will definitely say that I'm learning that I don't know what on the hell I'm doing.
What are you doing? Let's start by saying that good or bad things can vary so much that for some girls, anal sex is good, for others it's not good. Happiness or sadness? That's a key question that I don't know which I like, or which I want to have for myself. These extreme feelings can change with just 2 words. They can also be part of the other one. So yes, I don't know what I'm doing, but I can say that I'm accepting this fact.
Competition can be part of this. Some people already know what they want, how they want and what to do to get it. In my case, I just can say that I don't want to have it so clear. My goal then, is not to have pre-structured life. I'm, in my way, having an adventure. It's a huge adventure in which I see myself dreaming of having something I will never achieve. Yes, dreams or illusions or inventions.
The first dream I remember is the one I had when I was 6 or 7 years old. It was in Mexico, there was a woman with me and I was driving a red car. Then, I started to invent some stories while I was on bed before sleeping. They were also with girls and red cars. Then I decided to start living these dreams and at the same moment dreaming of them in my bed. Today I just want to close my eyes and sleep as soon as possible.
(this I think is one good example of the influence I had in that moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQrcH45pAeU&feature=PlayList&p=85D0A5DBB0E00670&index=0&playnext=1)
The perfect way to describe a "lonely guy" or a esteparian wolf like me is with my dreams. In our cases, when you are like this, you will always feel it. It doesn't matter where you are, how many people you are with or if you are with that special person. You will always feel alone. It's part of us and maybe, that's the reason of having the most impossible or crazy dreams. A romantic and lonely guy who dreams a lot. My dreams now remind me that sometimes there are some things that must be accepted. Not just with words but with a feeling from the deepest part of your soul. Eyes are one way to look at your soul. How you look, how you touch, how you talk. This is where you can find out this acceptation. My dream(s) are indeed holding me of continuing my route. Actually in this part, I don't know what is my route as I told you, but I think I have to continue and changing different obstacles right?
Future is now with me. He is now seating next to me listening the very interesting story I'm telling. We have just done a deal. At this moment, he is not going to tell me anything about me or others, and for that he will give the opportunity of being sadness or happiness, he will give the condemnation of having to wake up, open the eyes without knowing what is going to happen.
To plan something? Yesterday I didn't plan, but I was expecting to go to a club like a couple of weeks ago when I, in that opportunity, did plan to go to a club, but I didn't go. Or like today, when I was planning to have a good dinner, but it's now almost 2 a.m. and I haven't had any dinner yet. That means like I said before, don't you ever plan something that is not completely in you power. That means don't plan anything at all. I want an ice cream now, but there are less than 0.01 chances of an ice cream car to pass in front of my house.
What is my plan? My plan then, includes football, Sporting Cristal which is my first love of my whole life and Arsenal, anthropology (that doesn't count because is not a plan anymore is more than that), not to do anymore plans (which is basically just "let it be", or one just I don't give a fuck) and of course my dreams. Why my dreams? Because even if I don't want to think of them, even if they are holding and stopping me, even if they have made me change, they are part of my life, and there are some basic things that I have decided since the moments of listening Mar De Copas for the first times. There are some things I will never be able to change.
Yes, the plan has now changed, the same as me. I have also changed and to conclude, I don't know if it's good or bad this change, all I know is that there are many people waiting for me. There are many people looking to meet me, there are many feelings to be felt, there are many songs to listen and many adventures to have.
As the song says: (ya voy, carti team) perhaps, for me, you are waiting foooor, don't you worry, little by little, little by little, I'll be arriving. And yes, I'm gonna take my time to arrive and meet you. You know me, I'm always late! :)
P.S. in next posts I will be using more in-life examples. I'm sure they will be stupid and funny and of course useful. Thanks for you all people, for the support and the good times, vibes and feelings you transmit me. I wish I can meet every person I have ever spent good times with again, with just 1 exception. All the best for the people I love !!
No comments:
Post a Comment